Couples Therapy
Stop getting back at each other.
Start getting back to each other.
Relationship Review
Scheduling time to check in on how you’re both feeling about your relationship is a positive way of supporting growth as a couple.
Healthy couples are open to using their relationship as an opportunity to develop both individually and together. They are prepared to invest time to continue learning about each other through open and honest conversation.
Don’t wait until difficulties feel too big to manage before you take a look at the emotional health of your relationship. Many people will ignore the signs and, instead, bury their heads in the sand, which doesn’t make the difficulties go away. Talking about how you’re feeling and deciding to get help with any problems that come up, can prevent molehills from turning into mountains.
However deciding to get help can feel daunting, and that's where we come in. If you think it's time to invest in the health of your relationship, call us for a relationship review.
Cross-cultural issues
Being able to talk to a therapist to help you and your partner understand the importance of the values and beliefs you each hold, and find a way for you to create a common understanding, can be a fruitful journey in bringing two cultures together in a uniquely loving relationship.
Finding common ground in your relationship when you and your partner come from different cultures can feel difficult to navigate. Different backgrounds, different religions, different family structures, different traditions - all leading to different relationship expectations. It can be hard to see the merit in your partner’s views when they are so completely different to the way you’ve been raised.
Being in a relationship with someone from another culture can, at times, feel like you're having to make significant compromises to your own cultural identity. In cross-cultural relationships, one or both of you may feel as if you're having to 'give up' a part of yourself to be with your partner.
You may feel your partner has different ideas on gender roles, how to raise children, family involvement in your lives and social customs. Even the food they eat may be unusual to you.
Therapy can help you navigate these differences with sensitivity and respect.
What if my partner won’t attend?
It can be difficult if you’re in a couple but only one of you is willing to give therapy a try. There can be several reasons for this; feeling your relationship problems aren’t yet bad enough, or that it’s embarrassing to have to talk to a stranger about what’s going on. It could be related to a reluctance to open up about what you’re feeling, or that your partner is simply going to blame you for the difficulties. Of course, these are just some of the reasons that may hold you back.
We want to ensure that anyone who comes to us for therapy feels comfortable and not judged for their opinions. Our therapists offer a free 15-minute phone call before committing to attend an initial consultation, which gives you the chance to ask any questions you have and offers a brief experience of what it’s like to talk to a therapist. Hopefully, this will encourage both members of a couple to attend an initial consultation.
If, however, your partner remains reluctant, well, we can’t force them to join, but you may find some benefits in attending as an individual. You will have the opportunity to learn more about your role in your relationship and understand something about what may be happening between you which could help you better communicate your needs and relate to your partner.
Poor communication
Getting help to communicate better with your partner is perhaps one of the healthiest things any couple can do for their relationship.
There are so many assumptions, presumptions, accusations and provocations that can get thrown around in relationships, working out a better way to communicate with each other can get you past the frustration of not feeling listened to or understood.
It can feel frustrating if it seems as though your partner isn’t listening or doesn’t understand what you’re trying to say. Often, instead of getting clearer people can just get louder, or you may stop trying at all. This can often leave at least one person feeling bruised by the experience.
Something a therapist will be able to help you with finding a better way to express your needs and help to facilitate a conversation between you and your partner so that what you feel may be heard and accepted.
Out-of-control arguments
A therapist can help you both gain some perspective if you notice your arguments are getting a little out of control.
What can start as a minor disagreement can escalate into a blazing row. First, it’s about, say, who does the washing up, and before you know it you’re questioning the entire relationship. Benign bickering can turn into a heated argument which neither of you is prepared to back down from, determined to get your point across.
Often it can get to the point where what you were trying to express, potentially a feeling of hurt or sadness at a need that went unnoticed, gets lost in the frustration or anger that takes over.
And the more you push your point, the more your partner pushes back. It becomes a vicious cycle of blame. These scenarios are common in the therapy room – couples are stuck and unsure of how to get out of the rut they find themselves in.
We don’t take sides, however, we will help you to listen to each other and establish a more constructive way of engaging.
Difference of opinion
Working with a therapist can help you understand what has made your differences of opinion so unbearable, what may be provoking the frustration and how to understand your partner better so the differences feel more tolerable.
It can feel really difficult to accept your partner may think differently about you, especially if it’s regarding something you feel quite passionately about. But these differences of opinion don’t have to drive you apart.
In many situations what starts as a novel difference at the beginning of a relationship, may become your biggest bugbear as the relationship progresses. These differences can make communication very difficult since neither of you understands where the other is coming from. And it can become frustrating if you are left thinking that they’re just spoiling for a fight.
Therapy can help by helping you understand why your partner holds their opinions, so you feel less provoked by them and you’re both able to collaborate instead of combat each other.
Getting started is easy
Send us a message
Complete our enquiry form to be contacted by a therapist. We will endeavour to be in touch within 48 hours of receiving your enquiry.
Let’s chat
We will organise a time for you to have a brief conversation with a therapist to get a sense of what’s going on for you at the moment.
Get support
If we agree you would benefit from ongoing therapy, we will work together to address the issues preventing you from having lasting relationships.
Breaking up
Working towards an amicable end to a relationship can help you both constructively move and, if kids are involved, pave the way for a collaborative co-parenting relationship.
Facing the prospect of separation or divorce can feel like your whole world is being turned upside down.
In some cases, it’s an outcome that neither of you welcome, but you may be stuck and see no other way out of your current dilemma. In other cases, it may be that only one of you wants to end the relationship and your partner is trying desperately to salvage the situation. Or you may both realise that the relationship is no longer fulfilling for either of you and breaking up feels like the right thing to do.
Untangling the life you have built together can get messy. Breakups have the potential to be overwhelming as feelings of sadness, frustration, anger or resentment start to show.
The prospect of the end of a relationship presents an opportunity to learn about yourself as an individual and who you are as a partner to someone, which may help you in future relationships and give you both a sense of respect for the relationship you are ending.
It can often be useful to talk to a therapist at this time so that you may take these learnings into a new relationship that may ultimately be more fulfilling.
Getting ready for married life
Pre-marriage counselling gives couples the opportunity to explore their expectations of marriage so you can enjoy a happy life together.
Deciding to say “I do” can feel like a daunting prospect for some. The interweaving of lives, dealing with the in-laws, sex with the same person for the rest of your life, managing a home together, career expectations. There’s a lot to negotiate!
These are all aspects of life that some people think will magically fall into place as soon as you put a ring on it! But that isn’t always the case. It’s easy to make assumptions about how you’ll spend your lives together without checking in with your partner on if your ideas work for them too.
Establishing a healthy approach to communication from the beginning and taking some time before marriage to understand what being in a couple means for you both can make it easier to manage difficulties that may arise later on.
Will you help us decide whether we want to stay together or not?
There is no ‘should’ when it comes to staying or leaving a relationship. A more important question is; do you want to?
Many couples start therapy not knowing the answer to this question. That’s fine. We’ll help you explore the issues you’re facing and work with you to find better ways of communicating about the difficult stuff so your needs feel as though they are better met.
Through therapy, however, some couples also decide they would prefer to separate. In which case, we can work towards trying to achieve an amicable ending where neither of you feel blamed or victimised by the other. If you have children, we will also consider their needs and think about your transition to a co-parenting relationship.
Preparing for kids
For many couples, having kids will be one of the most significant moments of your relationship. Talking to a therapist can help you to consider how to prepare for the life changes parenting brings.
If they’re planned or not, the changes that occur can test the most solid of relationships. How you make decisions as a parent, can often be linked to a number of external factors and also your own upbringing.
Will parenting tasks be evenly split between you both? How will you manage parental leave? What’s most important to both of you about how you raise your child? Does your partner agree with you on these things? All important considerations.
Your couple relationship may also change with the introduction of children. You’re no longer just partners, you’re now also parents. The introduction of someone else into your relationship can feel unsettling, even if that person is your own child.
Coping as a couple with kids can be a transition that catches you unawares.
Being able to talk to someone who can help you make sense of this time can often be useful for new parents, as well as those planning a family or going through IVF.
After an affair
Working with a therapist during the undoubtedly difficult time following infidelity or an affair can help you both talk through your feeling about what happened and where you go from here.
Infidelity has the potential to be one of the most destructive events to ever happen to a couple. Deep feelings of guilt, blame and shame can often mar the relationship for a long time after the affair is over.
It usually leaves both of you asking questions of yourself and your partner that you never expected to ever need ask.
“Do you still love me?”, “What did I do to deserve this?”, “How can I ever trust you again?”, “Who? Where? What? Why?”.
This type of constant questioning, where the relationship and the other person are on trial over and over again for their actions, can lead to the ultimate break down of the relationship.
Without taking steps to understand what happened it will be difficult to get the relationship back on track, or move on in a healthy way.
These can often be difficult conversations to have. But working with a therapist so both of you can voice your feelings and help shed some light on what may have contributed to the affair, can start the healing process.
Will you tell us who is right and who is wrong?
We aim not to judge or marginalise either person through our work together. Our approach is to create an environment where everyone can be heard and we can work towards finding a mutual understanding of each other’s opinions and needs.
We will, however, be honest, and sometimes frank, about what we see happening between you. We don’t want you to feel bad about it, so we do this with empathy and compassion. However, sometimes it’s an important part of the work to name what is going on so it can be appropriately addressed.
Living apart
If you need help with a long-distance relationship, or managing time apart as a couple due to various circumstances (work, study etc) it can sometimes be useful to speak with someone who can help you bridge the gap. Living apart doesn’t have to create a gulf between you.
Many couples in a committed relationship choose to live separately. For some, this is a conscious choice. For others, circumstance means that living together just isn't possible.
Both can come with problems. It may be that you or your partner have homes in different cities or even different countries. One of you may have had to move for work or to study.
You could be in the process of bringing your lives together under one roof. Or you could simply prefer having your own homes and living separately.
Whatever your circumstances, this situation can be a cause of friction for some couples. Especially if one person feels left behind or left out.
If you're experiencing difficulties as a couple living apart, speaking to a professional through online sessions will allow you both to share your expectations of your situation and help manage the physical and emotional distance you may be feeling.
Work-life balance
Working out how to balance a demanding work role with a hectic home life can help to ensure both your relationship and your career thrive. Achieving this, though, can sometimes take a bit of negotiating.
If one person is spending more time in the office leaving the other feeling abandoned, or if both of you give more attention to developing your business relationships and neglect your personal relationship, it can build resentment or a rift. Doing well in one can feel like the other ends up suffering.
This is often felt in relationships when the partner of someone with a busy job feels as though they, and in some cases your children, are being neglected.
One person may end up feeling taken for granted and having to accept the bulk of the responsibility for managing the home. While the other may feel pressured to spend more time at home and accused of missing important family events.
Resentment may build if both people feel as if they are having to make significant compromises to accommodate the other and their efforts for the family feel unappreciated.
In these situations, couples can often find themselves bickering about benign topics that are used as a release valve for the rising tension.
Working with a therapist so both of you can share your views will support you to say the things that need to be said and help re-establish equilibrium in your relationship which can, in turn, positively impact your career.
How do I start?
Use the form to tell us a little about what you’d like to address and we’ll take it from there.
Most people appreciate a free 15-minute call before scheduling an initial consultation. This gives you a chance to ask any questions you may have and get comfortable with taking the next step in working through your relationship difficulties.
We’re waiting to hear from you.